Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
