Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
