Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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