I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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