I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
