would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm always down for nudity.
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