I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i've created a new STD.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
