R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
