yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
