we have officially lost it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
