She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
