ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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