What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
