last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
