Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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