I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
