Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
