I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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