I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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