I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
