I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize