She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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