My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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