did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
