I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
