I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
