just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
