so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
