yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize