Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
