apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
