Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
