Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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