11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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