Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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