Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
