I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
