some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
