Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
NoShamevember. You game?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
