he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
