Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
