it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
