Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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