You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
