My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
