are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Boobs are out for the taking
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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