Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
