I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize