piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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