that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize