do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
