So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
