if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize