I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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