i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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