Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This house was built for laser tag.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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