ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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