I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
