Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize