Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
