remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize