It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
