I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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