I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
