This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
