Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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