I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
